Perspective – part 1

Understanding

I am not sure if my understanding of perspective has changed with experience and age or because of the work I have put in trying to figure out myself, relationships and this life, probably a bit of both.

Some of us may be so caught up in our own minds that we assume other people share our perspective and, therefore, should absolutely understand our way of thinking. I now realise this is so far from reality in my experience, particularly in relationships.

Blankers

I see the same person at the bus stop every Wednesday morning though have never spoken with them…odd that isn’t it?! Well it may be to some of us.

In fact, I have worked in the same office for three years almost and I pass people who I see every week and yet whom have never spoken to me. I have passed familiar faces working for the same business week in week out, offering an upbeat “hello” or “good morning” to receive nothing back. I have heard other colleagues say they have had the same experience and relay the encounter with frustration or disgust, vowing to not speak to the offender again or not help them if they ask for support.

I used to feel the same angst in a lot of situations, not just blankers (that’s not Cockney Rhyming Slang by the way…I refer to people who choose to blank one in the above scenario).

I used to take so much people said, or didn’t say, to me very personally and felt hurt by other peoples actions, still do sometimes, until I digest things. Depending on my mood, morale, and esteem on the day, it can sometimes take a lot for me to muster up the confidence to speak to “strangers” – we are mere humans after all, all these feelings can feel overwhelming!

Twist

Change in perspective: what if the blanker has had awful news recently, or is having a difficult time at home, is painfully shy or autistic, what if your face reminds them of a bully they still have nightmares over, or maybe they just cannot be bothered! Their perspective may be seen through a much more complex lens, the energy may not be enough to reply to an unknown person’s offer of “hello”.

From our perspective the rude-ass behaviour may be offensive and we may take it personally, we may write that person off, we judge that person.

If we knew that person had an underlying issue (and does not share our perspective that it is a good morning to say Hello!), would we be more understanding or less judgemental?

Expectations

In what rule book does it say that because we spoke to someone and they did not respond then that is a wrong? This is our expectation, not the blankers.

I feel this can be true for a lot of perspectives in life. Perspectives we may have adopted from who and how we were brought up, or the culture of the country in which we live.

Maybe if we asked a person why they said (or didn’t say!) or did something in a certain way/ tone/attitude we might understand their perspective.

I have learnt to challenge in a real, gentle way (which is my natural tone) so I can widen the lens and peer through someone else’s telescope from which I am much less offended, more free from the dust and absolutely more resilient in life – joy!