… seems to come naturally for a select few, or requires a LOT of work, sometimes continuous work…for others I’m not sure they will ever be graced by self awareness.
Like most opinions, you can only answer by your perceptions, doesn’t mean it’s right or true for everyone…as how on earth could we possibly dictate what the value of “most” people factually is!?
So my answer is from my small, select group of people I have observed in my life.
Self awareness to me is very important to free myself from misconceptions, judgements and be simply kinder 🌺
….my job would not exist without producing spreadsheets and analysis….or I would be manually writing in huge ledgers using pens and calculators and drawing graphs with rulers and stencils …actually I could be much more creative the old way hey 😂
….my job would not exist without producing spreadsheets and analysis….or I would be manually writing in huge ledgers using pens and calculators and drawing graphs with rulers and stencils …actually I could be much more creative the old way hey 😂
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
…”no” does not come naturally to me…my natural tendency is to do what is asked of me. However, I am aware I am a mixed bag as I also push against conformity particularly in my personal life! The “no” bit isn’t always clear though, I have, at times, done my thing without the words…I have certainly got better at providing clarity with maturity (or is it cantankerous behaviour 😉).
Saying no with a smile seems to give a warm balance! (Unless you’re The Joker 🤡…😳)…
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?
…I wish I had the skills to be a travel writer…if only I had the self confidence (or boldness to try anyway) when I was studying….you never know, maybe one day (is 51 too late to start 🤔!? Nah Ha ha) 💐
I am completely new to blogging and, whatever the outcome, no matter the number of readers I reach, I have decided to commit to “dropping” (that’s my Sons language…attempting to reach all gens!) a blog every week for the next year.
Have to say I am really enjoying this new hobby! Not being the biggest fan of some social media, this platform is refreshing my attitude to it. Not only is it full of lovely creative content, I am aware of the warm, wonderful connections that can be made. I have been fortunate enough to already make a couple of fantastic connections and look very much forward to their blogs, very grateful!
I have recently read the book by Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic, which I tried to read a year ago and turns out I wasn’t ready for it so I picked it up again and LOVED it! Elizabeth pleads the creative reader to stop doubting and just put your work out there…so I’m taking her advice…whatever my work is, I hope it can resonate…let’s see!
I am sure many of you have been blogging for a long time, I ask that anyone reading my blogs excuse any unintended faux pas! I have lots to learn and am eager to do so.
I have a string of subjects lined up in my humble mind that I am excited to share with you, dear readers, some of which will have been written on many times. I do hope I can provide authentic, personal experiences and perspectives from an alternative angle, perhaps.
I am an open person and have a natural attitude of curiosity and honesty. My real wish is to talk about experiences and challenges that may bring readers a sense of normality and maybe even comfort that they are not alone, with a sprinkle of humour. I am also here to learn, like a wide eyed, toddler ready to climb the most steep of bookcases with fearless recklessness! On the other hand, if you find you can relate or receive any positive reassurance that may touch you, please do say hello along the way!
How long have you been blogging? Would love to hear from you!
“an innate, typically fixed pattern of behaviour in animals in response to certain stimuli.”
“the homing instinct”. The “homing instinct” is an ability to return home from a great distance.
Animals are born with this incredible (to me) sense. They are not taught the thought or feeling to “return home” as we are through intelligent language, gestures or behavioural patterns.
Human instinct is defined as “the way people naturally react or behave, without having to think or learn …”.
Human instinct seems more varied and less simplistic, though just as incredible (to me). We are are learning as soon as we are formed and never stop, our entire lives. I feel happily exhausted at just the thought, and also really excited all at once. I hear people say they were bored at the weekend or of a quiet evening. I think the last time I felt bored was as a teenager, before I was out ALL of the time! Being a parent now leaves no time for boredom (but many boring chores that I am training my monk mind to embrace ha ha), I get really self indulgent planning a “quiet evening” of doing NOTHING (apart from this new love of blogging or creating art), I love the headspace and time to just be! I admit, I sometimes have little excitement from data inputting in my Admin day job, it is not thrilling and could be classed as, yes, bloody boring!..I divert…back to “instinct”…
We do not learn instinct, we are born with it. Have you ever considered how magical that is?
I love it when you read or hear stories of true human instinct, such as how a neighbour has run into a burning house to save the dog, no thought necessary, just a hugely selfless, brave, dog lover! I watched a video once that showed a traveller jumping instinctively into a fast flood to rescue a sloth clinging desperately to a branch, about to go under or get swept away, he didn’t know the sloth, he didn’t have to care, he didn’t consider consequences, it made my heart swell! I am no athlete but on a couple of occasions I have caught the dog’s ball thrown my way that can only be seen by my peripheral vision, no time to process there is something going to hit me full in the face, my ninja-like smoothness grasping the offending object, and for that split second I AM Superwoman! That is human instinct (I’m not really a ninja or Superwoman, well not on week days!).
On a less dramatic note, my Mum always gives good, sensible and sometimes, contrarily, off-road (that’s the best!) advice. She ends with “go with your instinct” (I am not so gullible to think on occasion this could well be because Mum does not know what advice to give in that moment!). No matter, this advice always feels like the most empowering to me. Instinct can feel like the most simple choice, yet, the most intricate to hone in on.
I personally value human instinct above the angel on my right shoulder gently guiding me to the most logical path, or the devil on my left shoulder cackling for me to be reckless, You Only Live Once (could not bring myself to abbreviate that…must get down with the times some day!)…My instinct feels as if it is a higher level of trust that I should never ignore. Well, if it is good enough for bees, it is good enough for me!
I consider my instinct to be that “knowing” in my soul of which cannot be taught or directed by another human. It can, at times, be distinctively physical, I become aware of the butterflies in my tummy or the warmth (of love or dread) in my heart…at times it takes a lot of quiet and concentration over a significant amount of time. Or, in contrast, I have experienced instant flashes of doubtless epiphanies. Yes, of course…or…not on your nelly!
Either way, trusting your instinct is “returning home” to a safe, settled space, after the journey. With no time to doubt, no matter what the consequence, just a natural reaction out of your angel’s control or your devil’s irresponsible dictatorship. Instinct is natural magic, my magical best friend when needed.
Do you listen to your magical best friend, instinct? Or do you have an amazing story of instinct, natural reactions or instant superhero’s? I would love to hear them.
Thank you for reading my blurb. Until next week…we are not alone…
I believe, like many elements of life, resilience is relative to you (to one), it is very personal. I do not expect you, dear reader, to compare my experiences and definition of resilience with your own. We each experience a lot in life, we will not always endure other peoples challenges…I can only speak from my heart (not anyone else’s).
What does resilience mean to me?
When I was a child experiencing a broken home, I abruptly realised that the family I had once assumed was one, indestructible entity was actually made up of separate individuals who could, inevitably, continue life apart. As a very young teenager I made a pact with myself that the one person I could unmistakably rely upon was myself. This felt rather painful at the time, but now I feel no sadness from that revelation, I feel so fortunate to have been taught the lesson.
Later, when I became a single parent my friends would describe me as brave and strong…I felt neither of these words, I felt only desperation! To be free from the sadness and resentment, I had the realisation that, again, the family entity I craved to recreate (the one I had as a young child) had not worked…it was distant, disjointed and desperately lonely. Though the teen memory of “going it alone” had actually given me the courage to just know it would be ok, I would be ok and so would my Sons…and their Dad – and, guess what, we are all ok!
As a single parent who struggles with the overwhelm of every aspect this path brings, emotional, practical, financial, it can feel scary…but it is only a perception! I have been parenting solo for 14 years, I am rather proud that I have managed to feed and water two handsome humans that now stand way above me…no one has spontaneously combusted because I had to work and dinner wasn’t presented neatly on time as a three course, homemade, master chef extravaganza! I rarely enjoy extra pennies after my wage comes in, but I have never missed a rent payment, utility bill or had my Sons go without decent food. That’s achievement!
Christmas, birthdays and holidays are budgeted…we still enjoy a 3 night glamping experience for my youngest Son’s summer birthday…we sit around a fire pit under the stars, toasting marshmallows and I enjoy the local wine (our glamping site is also a vineyard – heaven!) and the dog can come too! Amazing but I have made it work! There are always those unexpected cheeky devils of extra bills that come out of nowhere and usually loads all at once, how lucky am I to have the credit…it used to petrify me but now I realise that is just life, my life and we are doing ok!
I watched a comedian once on TV who, from Africa, now lives in the UK. He humbly and hilariously described how us Brits would complain about how broke we are…with our 64” plasma screens, designer nails and nights out…we live in luxury compared to other corners of our world! It is so true! Our concept of being broke is relative, we are very lucky!
In the early days I worried to the point of panic when my, now grown up Son, couldn’t sleep from feeling anxious or that I was always saying to my boys, “Mummy doesn’t have time…”. I learned to research a problem, talk to other parents, or create ways to remedy the anxieties and how I could make the time. I stopped the guilt of conflict trying to get EVERYTHING done instead of precious time with the most important humans in my life.
Age and experience have brought about resilience, as I age I become more comfortable with who I am and that nothing happens by accident. Every decision, every challenge is just learning and creating a stronger, wiser version of myself.
So, it is only the THOUGHT that life and it’s challenges are scary and sometimes feels impossible. If we can change our perception and remember no-one has spontaneously combusted (well, I do hope not in your case!), there is no real point fretting over the “what ifs”, we are doing life anyway…you have to put the effort in and sometimes you may not get a whole lot in return, materialistically, the intangible returns are usually the best in my opinion. Just when things feel tough, that is the time to face it full on, that is where strength comes from.
Enjoy the lessons, share the stories, inspire the next generation, teach your resilience! You are never really alone!
Last week I talked about resilience on more than one level…resilience to admit you are at rock bottom (to yourself!!!), resilience to make a decision that effects people close to you and knowing it will hurt them, resilience to follow through the decision, and resilience to work on how, why and the after life of a relationship break up.
Before I made the leg-numbing decision to leave, I talked to my Sister who (in a Big Sister, just sort yourself out pesky little Sister, way) with a shoulder shrug gave the straight talk of “you either accept this is him or you leave!”…harsh but it is true though, isn’t it…could I accept I would be making every decision, every crisis management and what I expected to be gorgeous, precious, quality family time, on my own?!? I asked my Mum her thoughts, she sensibly advised that I stay until the kids are older…now my Mum is a beautiful, strong, sweet lady who is there for you, BUT that one sentence set off bus sized red for danger alarm bells.
My Mum and Dad had a “normal” marriage, we were from a working class, close knit family until my Dad was caught seeking needs elsewhere. Our dream like family unit turned into a destructive, depressing failure for 4 or 5 years into mine and my Sister’s delicate teen years. We have never forgotten the sadness of those years, watching our parents become shells of themselves, not knowing what to do, stay together for the kids – for me, that is a big, fat NO! I am not saying it isn’t right for everyone but from my personal experience, the resentment that was already drowning me, imagining waiting another 10 years, I dread to think the environment my kids would have been brought up in, I was not prepared to have my kids endure an unhappy upbringing, an old pattern nightmare that we had experienced.
To follow through with the decision of ending my marriage I knew there would be emotional and practical consequences, particularly financial that scared the crap out of me, it still does at times, but I am surviving, as are my kids, and very well compared to others in less fortunate cultures and countries.
Following the demise of my marriage, the man I spent 10 years of my life with, seemed a stranger, as I detached myself from that connection (for self preservation).
I turned the connection with the father of my children into a necessary acquaintance, two people working separately (and thankfully amicably) to provide the best care we were/are able to for our equally adored Sons. The amicable bit has not always been easy as I will, no doubt, touch on in a later blurb…
I have worked for many years on trying to rationalise my leaving and what went wrong. I used to believe it was all his doing and I could not let go of the resentment still (it did not go away immediately as I imagined it would).
I now know, after a lot of soul searching (there are those podcasts and books again!) we were absolutely both responsible for the breakdown, not just him because of his shortcomings, not just me because of my expectations and values…it was because we could not align, we did not get each other and we had no idea how to communicate any of the steps we desperately tried before the end (even marriage counselling couldn’t fix us!).
I am to this day very grateful that my kids have two parents that have put their kids wellbeing first. It has not been easy, as I say, but we are doing it! Our eldest Son has just turned 18, our job has been successful so far, we raised a bloody adult, yippee! My ex-hubby and I even text (that’s our favourite communication method ha ha) and agreed to have a family meal in a posh restaurant with our parents, sisters and nieces…the first time we were all together since before the marriage ended 14 years ago…and it was actually very cool! Especially so for our Sons.
So all is not lost, as always, it’s how you navigate these tough life experiences. Acceptance is the first hurdle, then life can flower again once you have the resilience. You are absolutely not alone!
Lady Jay 