I regularly listen to fantastic podcasts and read books which offer insight and a different perspective on life, particularly when things become challenging. It isn’t until we experience certain challenges ourselves that we understand just how impactful our experiences can be…on us, on our kids, on our families and friends. Sometimes it isn’t until much later after the challenge that we can gain perspective by ourselves, eventually that insight may dawn on us naturally, we can see the reasons why an event happened or at least what the lesson is. Sometimes we can make peace with it, sometimes the pain doesn’t hit until years later, sometimes we need help!
The podcast and books I indulge in really do help me, though as a “normal” (whatever that is!) working, single Mum I really just want to offer an ordinary persons perspective, even if it reaches just one reader who can relate to the experiences I have had grace my life, which have built emotional resilience and, I hope, empathy (which is flipping difficult when you feel YOU have been wronged!).
I am 51 years old and have two amazing teenagers, and a smelly, old dog. I ended my marriage 14 years ago because so much resentment had built up I was becoming ill, I had a 4 and 2 year old and I was NOT going to rely on antidepressants to get me through…I could not see another way to end the crippling resentment towards my husband other than to break up our young family. I did everything on my own (or so I felt at the time) so I decided I may as well continue on my own without this resentment. It was the most frightening decision I ever made, it would not only be me bearing the consequences, it was also going to affect my then husband and precious kids…as well as both sides of our families who became mates over the years… shared friends and work colleagues…even the neighbours could be affected. I just knew I had to be a strong, healthy parent before I disappeared into the darkness.
Deciding to end a relationship is not always the answer, there is a lot I could have done differently, though I know my decision was the right one.
I have had tough times and struggles (still do) but I know one thing, I can cope, always have and always will. I had to cope then for my children and I have to cope for me. Becoming aware that happiness will only start with yourself is huge, you have to like (even dare we think it…love) yourself first, which I am sure you have heard many times…until you truly allow it, does life become so much clearer and the challenges more easy. However, it is not until the challenge drags you to the bottom of the dungeon that the experience will later be your friend. It is not the struggle itself, it is how you navigate it.
Listen to fab podcasts, read the inspiring books… this story of mine is to be continued next week…hopefully my future blurbs from my ordinary life perspective may help give you courage to build resilience to save a relationship or know that whatever happens, you will be ok. You are not alone!
Lady Jay 