Lady Jay

Tag: spirituality

  • Forgiveness for life and for living.

    This weekend I promised myself quality time for mindfulness after a couple of difficult past, painful and sad memories came up out of nowhere (or so it seemed…).

    I like to, and have learned to, listen to spontaneous flashes of past events as I believe they, at times, are knocking on my memory door to remind me that I have unfinished work to do. This type of mindfulness work has interested me in the past few years. I used to think if I faced a bad event with awareness and acknowledgement, then meditated on it a bit, then it would magically disappear. Poof!!!

    Letting go

    No poof!!! I could not understand why event memories continued to haunt me later. I have been told by many well-meaning people that I just need to “let go”. Yep, thanks so much…tell me something I didn’t know, the bloody irony! Ok…so I would face it, meditate and imagine letting “it” go, but it would not leave me alone.

    I now realise, like most teachings in life, letting go takes a lot of practice for someone like me. Heart on my heavy, long sleeve! I used to be someone who believed what people said may be the truth, every insult or compliment was how everyone saw me, every opinion should be heard, every suggestion should be explored. It wasn’t as black and white as this picture paints, as I could also be stubborn, open-minded and fearlessly (still am) independent in other circumstances.

    I am fortunate to have dived deeply into and crawled crumbling out of a few hard lessons. Every single lesson has shown me my mirror, time and time again, until I finally got it…I couldn’t just simply let go, I couldn’t learn to let go until I worked like an 18th-century washerwoman, until I learned how…

    Back to now, and the recent painful memories…knowing I had some time completely to myself, I thought I would absorb myself into mindfulness trickery to find out what it is I need to know here…ah! yep, got it…I need to let it go, of course…it’s like washing the dishes, you think you’ve covered all the cutlery, then that last damn spoon is hiding under the bubbles…ooh, hang on then there’s another spoon, cheeky ass spoons! More cleaning up!

    Practice

    What mindfulness trickery should I indulge in, I thought as my working week was coming to an end?

    I don’t think it is any coincidence that as I lift my headphones to my ears on the evening bus from work to home, searching for my next listening treat, that I notice a podcast “short” with Gabor Mate and Mel Robbins…in which Gabor asks Mel about a traumatic memory. Mel had told no one of her experience and kept it to herself, feeling alone and frightened. Gabor asks Mel if that happened to one of your children, how would you explain it…Gabor continued to probe and gave Mel the suggestion that the trauma itself was not just the painful memory, it was the fact she felt that she could not go to her own mother and tell her. It was clearly an emotional revelation, and a very powerful one to her and to me! This resonated with my recent memory.

    Being a parent, you just want to protect your kids, but you also want to think they could come to you with any problem. Having also been a keeper of secrets (quite different to Mel’s trauma), I did not trust that I could go to my parents in the past, so I can empathise with that feeling very well. It taught me to be independent and to take time to trust anyone, if at all, not always healthy.

    I have learnt from my parents and myself to encourage my sons to come to me or their dad, grandparent, aunt, uncle, friend…anyone. As carrying that burden, pain and aloneness just gets in the way of total freedom to let go and get on with life despite the dark demons.

    So, this short online chat by two wonderfully intelligent and open podcasters paved the way to tuning into my haunting memories and practising letting go by the one thing that will make sure you win the war…Forgiveness.

    Forgiveness

    With an unusually hot and sunny summer here in the UK recently and, apart from the dog daughter, I chose to set down my picnic blanket on the cottage lawn – well-dried mud and straw as it has become, as nothing is growing due to our fourth heat wave…I am not complaining as I love the sun and it is the weekend – I sit in the warmth of the summer gorgeousness and meditate. I face the haunting through my meditation, I turn my deep hurt, shame, guilt into compassion for the parties involved, leaving them with a warm hug and them smiling in my mind, off on a cloud to memory heaven.

    The faces I see in my meditation are from the past, the feelings are from the past, the pain stays present until I work on it in this intimately personal way that suits me. After years of confusion and hours of hard emotional work, I can now do this letting go thing…it’s life-changing.

    Next

    My next tender treat of mindfulness was a yoga session by a completely beautiful and incredible online teacher from Texas, Adriene. The comfort yoga session I had spotted online earlier in the week seemed to frustratingly disappear…then by chance a video called “Forgiveness” dared me to press play.

    I feel this is also no coincidence, love that we are shown things we need to see…sometimes we really have to look with eyes and heart wide open and dive in.

    I immersed myself into the yoga, knowing immediately that this was exactly what I needed…feelings of past pain popped on the familiar cloud, showing whoever I needed to forgive with absolute love in my heart and security…trust…love…a higher support.

    I “awoke” from the yoga session (thankfully in an empty home, minus daughter dog who, at 12 years old, was fast asleep as usual). I then sensed I was sobbing. Tears down my unapologetic, contorted face from the release and a beautiful lightness that I have never ever experienced…through the tears came smiles, and the feeling that a lot of years’ worth of pain, guilt, mistrust, and confusion were being finally let go of.

    Now

    Is it the time of life that in your 50s or life experiences that finally you see past difficulties with a completely different perspective and a newfound freedom of emotion?

    These days I have more confidence to say if I don’t agree with someone, I now realise that there is ALWAYS CHOICE, I try to look at someone with compassion even when what they say or do hurts me. Now it is possible to recognise that sometimes the issue is not mine, it is theirs.

    Bye bye cloud people 🩵

    Letting go is not a one-off gift, it is a perpetual present (see what I did there!). Keep practising and know you are not alone.

  • Blogging – a newbie

    iPad self portrait

    I am completely new to blogging and, whatever the outcome, no matter the number of readers I reach, I have decided to commit to “dropping” (that’s my Sons language…attempting to reach all gens!) a blog every week for the next year.

    Have to say I am really enjoying this new hobby! Not being the biggest fan of some social media, this platform is refreshing my attitude to it. Not only is it full of lovely creative content, I am aware of the warm, wonderful connections that can be made. I have been fortunate enough to already make a couple of fantastic connections and look very much forward to their blogs, very grateful!

    I have recently read the book by Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic, which I tried to read a year ago and turns out I wasn’t ready for it so I picked it up again and LOVED it! Elizabeth pleads the creative reader to stop doubting and just put your work out there…so I’m taking her advice…whatever my work is, I hope it can resonate…let’s see!

    I am sure many of you have been blogging for a long time, I ask that anyone reading my blogs excuse any unintended faux pas! I have lots to learn and am eager to do so.

    I have a string of subjects lined up in my humble mind that I am excited to share with you, dear readers, some of which will have been written on many times. I do hope I can provide authentic, personal experiences and perspectives from an alternative angle, perhaps.

    I am an open person and have a natural attitude of curiosity and honesty. My real wish is to talk about experiences and challenges that may bring readers a sense of normality and maybe even comfort that they are not alone, with a sprinkle of humour. I am also here to learn, like a wide eyed, toddler ready to climb the most steep of bookcases with fearless recklessness! On the other hand, if you find you can relate or receive any positive reassurance that may touch you, please do say hello along the way!

    How long have you been blogging? Would love to hear from you!

  • Instinct

    One dictionary definition of “instinct” is:

    “an innate, typically fixed pattern of behaviour in animals in response to certain stimuli.”

    “the homing instinct”.  The “homing instinct” is an ability to return home from a great distance.

    Animals are born with this incredible (to me) sense.  They are not taught the thought or feeling to “return home” as we are through intelligent language, gestures or behavioural patterns.  

    Human instinct is defined as “the way people naturally react or behave, without having to think or learn …”.

    Human instinct seems more varied and less simplistic, though just as incredible (to me).  We are are learning as soon as we are formed and never stop, our entire lives.  I feel happily exhausted at just the thought, and also really excited all at once.  I hear people say they were bored at the weekend or of a quiet evening.  I think the last time I felt bored was as a teenager, before I was out ALL of the time!  Being a parent now leaves no time for boredom (but many boring chores that I am training my monk mind to embrace ha ha), I get really self indulgent planning a “quiet evening” of doing NOTHING (apart from this new love of blogging or creating art), I love the headspace and time to just be!  I admit, I sometimes have little excitement from data inputting in my Admin day job, it is not thrilling and could be classed as, yes, bloody boring!..I divert…back to “instinct”…

    We do not learn instinct, we are born with it.  Have you ever considered how magical that is?

    I love it when you read or hear stories of true human instinct, such as how a neighbour has run into a burning house to save the dog, no thought necessary, just a hugely selfless, brave, dog lover!  I watched a video once that showed a traveller jumping instinctively into a fast flood to rescue a sloth clinging desperately to a branch, about to go under or get swept away, he didn’t know the sloth, he didn’t have to care, he didn’t consider consequences, it made my heart swell! I am no athlete but on a couple of occasions I have caught the dog’s ball thrown my way that can only be seen by my peripheral vision, no time to process there is something going to hit me full in the face, my ninja-like smoothness grasping the offending object, and for that split second I AM Superwoman! That is human instinct (I’m not really a ninja or Superwoman, well not on week days!).

    On a less dramatic note, my Mum always gives good, sensible and sometimes, contrarily, off-road (that’s the best!) advice.  She ends with “go with your instinct” (I am not so gullible to think on occasion this could well be because Mum does not know what advice to give in that moment!).  No matter, this advice always feels like the most empowering to me.  Instinct can feel like the most simple choice, yet, the most intricate to hone in on.  

    I personally value human instinct above the angel on my right shoulder gently guiding me to  the most logical path, or the devil on my left shoulder cackling for me to be reckless, You Only Live Once (could not bring myself to abbreviate that…must get down with the times some day!)…My instinct feels as if it is a higher level of trust that I should never ignore.  Well, if it is good enough for bees, it is good enough for me!

    I consider my instinct to be that “knowing” in my soul of which cannot be taught or directed by another human.  It can, at times, be distinctively physical, I become aware of the butterflies in my tummy or the warmth (of love or dread) in my heart…at times it takes a lot of quiet and concentration over a significant amount of time.  Or, in contrast, I have experienced instant flashes of doubtless epiphanies.  Yes, of course…or…not on your nelly!

    Either way, trusting your instinct is “returning home” to a safe, settled space, after the journey.  With no time to doubt, no matter what the consequence, just a natural reaction out of your angel’s control or your devil’s irresponsible dictatorship.  Instinct is natural magic, my magical best friend when needed.

    Do you listen to your magical best friend, instinct?  Or do you have an amazing story of instinct, natural reactions or instant superhero’s?  I would love to hear them.

    Thank you for reading my blurb.  Until next week…we are not alone…